88 days to go

It’s a gloomy day, but that’s okay. Today is a day for recovery, a day of rest, a day where the birds chatter and play while the humans stay inside and drink tea and read the paper. I really need a recovery day after the two nights out in a row I just had, so here one is. I have this feeling of impending doom lurking above me, I know I have to knuckle down and do my revision, exams are just round the corner and my mind couldn’t be further from where it should be. It’s so sad when you let yourself down, but I’ve slowly come to the realisation that if I study as hard as possible and just try to do my work, whatever grades I get will have to do. I may want to be a psychologist now but who knows what I may want to be in the future. I may fall in love with the world on my year out and not even go to University, or maybe I’ll get offered a job that I love, or I find a calling… Life is unexpected and tough, and that’s what makes it so much of an adventure.

The world is beautiful, fragile, delicate and intricate… But she’s also mighty, destructive, wild, dangerous… We need our Earth to survive, we need her to live. Everyday I witness people driving in their cars from one place on autopilot, the world is out there, if we don’t look, no wonder we don’t have ambition and wanderlust. I have a suitcase, a vintage big case in my bedroom, full of magazine clippings of places that look too good to not go to, plane tickets of places I’ve been, letters from loved ones while I was away. My eleutheromania, my wanderlust, my hunger for adventure and freedom lives in that suitcase and when I’m allowed to, I open up that case and just become absorbed in something bigger than this rural countryside life I’m living right now. And it feels wonderful.

Fear, anger, envy, loneliness, hatred, peace, freedom, love, happiness, excitement, they’re all emotions we cannot control, our instinct, and when we travel, we experience them all. And it’s good. The fear lessens, the anger dissolves and the loneliness is taken away by friends we made on our journeys. Travel frees us and cleanses us and that’s what we all need sometimes. Perhaps always. Sometimes we just have to take the leap of faith with our eyes squeezed shut and our loved ones kept close to our hearts. A quote I read a while ago has always stuck with me…

“When it feels scary to jump, that’s exactly when you jump otherwise you end up staying the same place your whole life. And I couldn’t do that.” – A Most Violent Year by J.C. Chandor.

So let’s jump.

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